Phineas and The World's End
by SuperBatLanternFlash
Summary: Phineas and his friends attempted to try a pub crawl of the local pubs in the Tri State Area, unfortunately for them it doesn't go according to plan. But when they're all older what will happen when Phineas wants to try again?
1. The First Post

I do not own Phineas and Ferb or the story to The World's End, also the following story is set when the characters are facing 40 so it's a future fic…enjoy!

Chapter 1: The First Post

Phineas: Let me ask you a question. Have you ever had one of those nights that starts out like any other, but ends up being the best night of your life? I did. I had a feeling I was going to have one of those days when I was 9 years old. In the Tri State Area back where I used to live they had set up 12 pubs and started a thing called "The Golden Mile", the challenge was to go to all 12 of those pubs and have 1 pint in each on them in the course of 1 night. I knew I had to do it with my friends and at the time we all agreed but we all drifted apart after we left for college, luckily I managed to round up everyone once they had turned 21 so we could do what we had always dreamed of. I had some of the greatest friends to help me, there was Baljeet Tjinder, Buford van Stomm, my brother Ferb Fletcher, my girlfriend of the time Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, and me…Phineas Flynn. Baljeet was one of the smartest out of all of us, he always knew the scientific solution to get us out of any situation and I liked him for that. Buford was one of the tougher kids than most of us, he wasn't the sort of person we would usually hang out with but he was very kind hearted and offered protection which was good. Ferb was my wingman and was a brother you could depend on, sure sometimes we had our disagreements but we would shrug them off. And Isabella…she was the most beautiful girl I ever knew and it took me ages to figured out she had a crush on me, she loved me and I'm not being funny but I loved her too.

The Tri State Area was our home town and there was nothing that was going to stop us from completing the golden mile, all we had to do was drink from The First Post, The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companion, The Trusty Servant, The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall, all before that last glorious pint in The World's End. We took my car into town which I called the beast because if I'm honest she was pretty hairy, we arrived in town, we hit the first pub and we hit it hard! There was drinking, there was laughs, there was controversy, there were ladies, there were shots, there was drama, and of course there was drinking! By pub 5 we were feeling on top of the world and we decided to buy some herbal refreshment from our city's old mayor, none of us had tried drugs before so we were pretty excited. Sadly the 6th pint put Baljeet out of the running so we carried on without him, probably a good thing now that I think about it. I needed some cheering up after that and luckily a certain lady walked in who…looking back Ferb really liked but that didn't stop me. So now let's just say thanks to a Miss "Vanessa" I had lost my virginity to a quite good looking girl. Isabella did keep looking at me funny for the rest of the night but luckily she got over it by pint 8, sure that makes me sound a bit like a jerk but these things happen I guess. By pint 9 we decided to pause and try out the drugs in my backyard…which is where it all went fuck up, Buford passed out on the sidewalk when we tried to go to pub 10 so in the end we blew off the last 3 pubs and headed for the hills that were close by. I remember sitting up on that hill with blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes. And I remember knowing that I would never feel that good again, and you know what…I never did.

Phineas finished telling his story to all the other people he was talking with, they were all sitting in a circle listening to him tell that story for the past 5 minutes.

Host: Well thank you Phineas, now are there any questions for him?

One of the people in the circle put up his hand and looked to Phineas

Person #1: Are you disappointed?

Phineas: About what?

Person #1: That you didn't make it to The World's End

Phineas: Know I'm not disappointed, I mean what happened in the past is in the past and it's not like I can do it again

Phineas then thought about how he was a bit disappointed that he couldn't try again, but then a light bulb went off inside his head

Phineas: Or can we?

Phineas suddenly had a wide smile on his face, he waited until his session was over and he ran straight back to his apartment. He was living in L.A along with everyone else but they had already moved on with their lives and were earning a living. Phineas got dressed in one of his favourite striped shirts that looked a lot like the one he wore when he was younger, a pair of blue jeans, and this cool black jacket he bought from some guy in the street. He began to think about who he should ask first and realised that he should start with who he thought was a lot easier and that was Buford, from what he remembered Buford worked in a car rental store so he wasn't hard to find

~Buford~

Buford was 38 now with a wife and a child, he wasn't able to get much of a job and the only place he could find work for was his dad's car rental store in L.A., this didn't make Buford happy but he was able to accept his new life. For him that day was just another ordinary day of wondering around looking to help people not really giving much service, until suddenly he saw a figure with a black coat staring at one of the nicest cars they had. Buford took the opportunity and headed over to him

Buford: Hello sir

The figure said nothing

Buford: The car's a beauty isn't it?

Phineas: Yeah, but she's no beast

Phineas turned around to talk to Buford

Phineas: Hello Buford

Buford: Jesus Phineas, it's been a while

Phineas: Yeah I know, how are you man?

Buford: I've been good, how about you?

Phineas: Yeah never better, so how's your wife

Buford: Do you mean Sally?

Phineas: No I mean you wife

Buford: So Sally?

Phineas: Yeah how's she?

Buford: She's ok, coping with the job I have

Phineas: Well good to know you're growing strong

Buford: So are you looking to rent a car?

Phineas: Sadly no, I'm afraid the end is nigh?

Buford: What do you mean?

Phineas: Come on, you know what I mean. I'm talking about what could be the best night of our lives

Buford: You want to try that pub crawl again?

Phineas: Yeah it will be great, we're all going

Buford: What even Isabella?

Phineas: Why wouldn't she be coming?

Buford: Well I thought after…

Phineas: It's alright she's in, but what we want to know is are you?

Buford: Well I'll have to check with my wife

Phineas: Since when have you had to check with your wife?

Buford: Since we got married

Phineas: Come on man it'll be great, it will give you a chance to show off

Buford: Tell you what…I'm in

Phineas: YES! Alright well meet me at the bus station tomorrow at 3 go it?

Buford: Got it

~Ferb~

Ferb was 39 and was doing a lot better than Buford was, because of his construction skill he got a job as a builder and managed to make a name of himself around the city. At the moment h was trying to put together a sky scraper and was close to finishing the last wall, when suddenly he was distracted

Phineas: Knock Knock!

Ferb turned around to see his brother standing in the empty doorframe

Ferb: What are you doing here Phineas?

Phineas: Oohh you're more of a talker now aren't you?

Ferb: I have to talk more Phineas, it's part of my job

Phineas: So are you seeing anybody?

Ferb: No, I'm still on the lookout I guess

Phineas: I'll hook you up sometime, just give me a call

Ferb: What do you want Phineas?

Phineas: Well I know a certain thing we didn't do that we need to finish

Ferb: What are you talking about?

…

Ferb: Oh no not that again

Phineas: Come on man. It will be amazing plus it will give us a chance to bond again

Ferb: I don't know if I like the sound of that

Phineas: Look just come it will be fun, everybody else is in

Ferb: Even Isabella?

Phineas: Yep

Ferb: She's going to go drinking with you?

Phineas: With us! Look just meet me at the bus centre at 3 ok?

Phineas walked out of the construction room

Ferb: What's this all about Phineas?

~Baljeet~

Baljeet had used his smartness to his advantage after college, he was working as a mathematician but was also a real estate agent so he could earn some extra money. He was trying to sell a really nice house to a married couple when Phineas showed, Baljeet asked him what he was doing here as he sort of wanted him to leave

Phineas: Look it's all about closure, I mean why should something as small as getting older affect reaching our goals. You know it could be exciting Baljeet

Baljeet: Right?

Phineas: I mean think about it like a stock take or something

Baljeet: A stock take! You make that sound so much fun

Phineas: Isn't this crawl something you've always wanted?

Baljeet: Well honestly what I really want is for you to get your feet of that sofa

Phineas: Please come on the crawl

Baljeet: I'm not going to just say yes Phineas, I mean you did just barge in forcing me to ask potential clients to leave the building. I mean WTF?

Phineas: Good to see you too, look all you need to know is that Phineas is back on the horse

Baljeet: And what's horse slang for?

Phineas: It mean I'm back on the bike

Baljeet: And what's bike slang for?

Phineas: Bicycle

Baljeet: I'm confused

Phineas: Don't be

Baljeet: OK?

Phineas: Come on man, this is our chance to finally finish what we started

Baljeet: And why would I want to do that? Besides I can't I…have a doctor's appointment

Phineas: Yeah you do, with Dr. Ink…you know Dr…

Baljeet: Drink, yes I get it

Phineas: I mean this is also a good chance to see what everyone else is doing, you can tell them what you're doing and who knows maybe you'll make it to the end this time

Baljeet: So Isabella is definitely coming?

Phineas: Yeah of course

Baljeet: And you convinced her how?

~End of Chapter 1~


	2. The Old Familiar

Chapter 2: The Old Familiar

~Isabella~

Isabella had managed to get a successful job working as a leading member or the Fireside Girls, she was able to land the job through determination and having a wide knowledge of the Fireside Girls. She had also managed to forget about Phineas through trying to block him out of her mind throughout the years, she wasn't doing it because of what happened at the pub crawl, it was mainly for a different and very serious reason. She was just working at her desk signing papers when one of the members walked into her office

Fireside Girl: Good morning miss

Isabella: Morning Felicity, how may I help you?

Fireside Girl: You have a friend here to see you miss

Isabella looks out of the door and sees Phineas in the waiting room

Isabella: No I don't

A minute later Phineas was in her office sitting in the chair that was on the other side of her desk, Isabella continued to sign papers like she was earlier

Phineas: This is a step up isn't it?

Isabella: Yep, I guess so

Phineas: I saw the guys the other day

Isabella: Uh huh

Phineas: You know? Buford, Baljeet, Ferb?

Isabella: Yes I remember the names of my childhood friends

Phineas: Anyway we had ourselves a little idea

Isabella: As people do

Phineas: Yeah and this plan is amazing

Isabella: You want me to ask what it is don't you?

Phineas: It would be nice

Isabella: Fine, what is your plan Phineas?

Phineas: We're going back to the Tri State Area

Isabella: Why?

Phineas: For some unfinished business?

It took Isabella less than 3 seconds to figure out what he was talking about

Isabella: That's a joke right?

Phineas: Think about it. Five friends, Twelve Pubs, 50 Pints!

Isabella: It was 60 pints wasn't it?

Phineas: Steady on you fucking alchy

Isabella: I haven't had a drink for 16 years Phineas

Phineas: You must be thirsty than

Isabella looked at him not able to believe he's become this stupid

Phineas: Come on it's a good chance to see everyone and chew the fat, it will be exactly like it always was except this time we're going to complete the crawl once and for all

Isabella: You have a very selective memory Phineas

Phineas: Thanks

Isabella: Maybe you're forgetting about all the drinking we used to do. You remember the Friday nights but I remember the Monday mornings

Phineas: Yeah that's why we're going on a Friday!

Isabella: Let me ask you a question Phineas. Why do you think none of us live in the Tri State Area anymore?

Phineas: I don't know

Isabella: It's because it's a death trap, have you forgotten about the endless summer weather? The way everything you ever built magically disappeared? And speaking of that don't you find it weird how your pet Perry would disappear and then appear later that day? Plus half the time it's boring and when it's not boring there's a chance of death every day, it's always been like that and it always will be

Phineas: Well how can you be sure, it was only like that because we were there and the chance of death was half the fun of being there

Isabella: Forget it, it's pointless arguing with you

Phineas: Exactly so come, I'm picking everyone up at the bus station at 3:00 sharp

Isabella: No Phineas

Phineas: Why? Have you got to check with your husband?

Isabella: No I don't have to check with my husband

Isabella stood up and pointed at the door

Phineas: What are you doing?

Isabella: I'm showing you the door

Phineas: Come on please come

Isabella: No Phineas! I'm not coming so just leave it at that

Phineas: Fine, I'll go

Phineas went to leave but stopped before he got to the door

Phineas: Oh I forgot to tell you, my mum died

Isabella: Really?

Phineas: Yeah, the big...cancer

Isabella: When?

Phineas: 3 days ago, 2 weeks after Perry died actually

Isabella: I'm so sorry

Phineas: She used to really like you as a person you know, for her the best thing in the world was seeing me with my friends with a big grin on my face. I miss those times but maybe those are times that are gone, it was good seeing you Isabella

Phineas then walked out of the room leaving Isabella to think about what she had just heard, she started to feel sorry for Phineas and soon realised she only had one thing to do

~The Next Day - L.A Bus Station - 2:55pm~

Baljeet was the first to get to the bus station, the bus he was on pulled up to the station and he got out. He looked around and thought he was the only one who decided to show up, then he heard a voice across from him

Buford: Baljeet!

Baljeet: Buford! How are you man?

Buford: I'm good, man it's been ages

Beljeet: It's been nearly over 17 years hasn't it?

Buford: Somewhere around that I'm not really sure

Baljeet: Well it's good to see you without you wanting to put my underwear over my head

Buford: Come on, the past is in the past

Baljeet: I guess so, can I ask something?

Buford: Sure

Baljeet: What on earth are we doing here?

Ferb: What we always did

Bejleet and Buford look over and see Ferb standing across from them

Ferb: We're following Phineas Flynn into absolute oblivion!

Baljeet: Hello Ferb, you seem like more of a talker now

Ferb: You're the second person to notice that actually

Buford: So why the sudden change?

Ferb: Well its part of my job to talk, so I worked on building on my talking skills

Buford: Sounds reasonable

Ferb: Hang on, I'm just trying to decide which one of us is the biggest idiot for coming?

Baljeet: All I'm wondering is whether or not Phineas was telling the truth when he said Isabella was coming

Isabella: Well he was correct

The 3 boys look over to see Isabella standing across from them, they are surprised but are happy to see her

~1 Hour and 5 Minutes Later~

Everyone was still waiting outside the bus station, they were surprised at first that Phineas didn't arrive on time but later weren't as surprised considering they knew Phineas quite well

Buford: Maybe he's had an accident

Baljeet: Maybe something urgent came up, oh sorry Isabella

Isabella: No it's fine, I think Phineas having an accident might be the best thing for all of us

Suddenly then an old car that looked a lot like the car Phineas used to drive pulled up outside of the bus station

Isabella: Unbelievable

The car stopped around where the four of them were standing. Phineas then got out of the car with a big smile on his face

Phineas: Oh yes, look at all of these cunts

Isabella: You said you were going to be here at 3, it's now 4

Phineas: Yeah 3 for 4

Isabella: Do you know your problem Phineas? You're never wrong

Phineas: Yeah I know

Buford: Where on earth did you find a car like this?

Phineas: What are you talking about?

Buford: Well this looks like the car I sold you in 2019

Phineas: This is the car you sold me in 2019, it was the best $300 I ever spent

Ferb: So this is the beast?

Phineas: You bet your ass! I just had to have a few things changed like the tires, the mirrors, the seats, the paint job, the hood, the whole engine really, the brakes, the steering wheel, and the windshield wipes but other than that it's the same old beast!

Baljeet: You could almost say an antique

Phineas: Well then let's get this antique on the road show!

Everyone just stared at Phineas with a look of uncertainty, they were never able to tell whether or not Phineas was using that kind of slang for a joke or if he was serious

Phineas: Come on let's go!

They all got in the car and did up their seatbelts, Phineas got in the drives side and slammed the door with enthusiasm

Phineas: This is awesome! The whole gang's back!

Buford: As you will keep saying I see

Phineas: Come on guys where's your enthusiasm? I mean we're just like the 5 Musketeers

Baljeet: Wasn't it the 3 Musketeers

Phineas: Well nobody knows how many there were really. I mean if you think about it history is a sketchbook

Ferb: History? You do realize that The 3 Musketeers is a fiction right? It was written by Alexander Dumas

Buford: Well lots of people are saying that about the bible these days

Baljeet: What that it was written by Alexander Dumas?

Buford: No, that it's a work of fiction

Phineas: The bible isn't a work of fiction, Jesus wrote it so it has to be true. Besides it doesn't matter if there were 3 or 5 Musketeers. I mean for all we know there were 5 but 2 of them died meaning there were only 3 left

Isabella: Can I go home now?

Phineas: Nope. LET'S DO THIS!

Phineas slammed his foot on the accelerator and sped down the road onto the highway. Phineas was playing the song that they made when they were younger when "Phineas and The Ferb Tones" were popular, everybody was slowly bobbing their heads to the song

Buford: Phineas and the Ferb Tones! I completely forgot, wasn't this song on that mix tape CD I gave you

Phineas: Yeah, this is it

Buford: This is that CD?

Phineas: Yeah, it was in the CD player

Buford: Why was it in there?

Phineas: I just never bothered to take it out that's all

Buford looked at everyone wondering if anybody else was thinking the same thing as him, they were all a bit worried about why he still had the CD

Phineas: You know Ferb we should get the band back together at some point

Ferb: We can't

Phineas: Why not?

Ferb: When we were 23 you sold all of the instruments and all the band rights to buy drugs

Phineas: Oh yeah. I forgot about that

Phineas got distracted quickly by the music, everyone else started talking to each other about what they were up to these days

Baljeet: So Buford, do you still work in the car rental business?

Buford: Pretty much, but I should be second in command soon. What about you Ferb?

Ferb: Construction mainly. I build houses and skyscrapers mainly but I dabble here and there in different areas. Baljeet?

Beljeet: I'm working in real estate now but I plan on becoming a maths teacher. I hear the pay is better

Ferb: What about you Isabella?

Isabella: I'm a troop leader for the L.A Fireside Girls troop

Buford: Sounds very professional

Isabella: Well it looks good on a resume. What about you Phineas?

Phineas: What about me?

Ferb: Where are you working?

Phineas: I'm...uh I'm working...uh, OH SHIT YEAH!

Isabella: What?

Phineas: Look ahead everybody, we have arrived

Everybody looked ahead to see that the Tri State Area was right in front of them, they knew that the adventure had just begun

Phineas: Take a good look at the place in its original colours for tonight we paint it red!

Phineas began to speed up unaware of the police bike that was right behind them, he saw the bike and pulled over. Once he pulled over he reached into his pocket for his I.D

Phineas: Oh fuck!

Isabella: What is it?

Phineas: Don't worry. I have a plan

The officer knocked on the window, Phineas rolled it down until he could see the officer

Officer: Do you have any idea why I stopped you?

Phineas: Was the music to loud?

Officer: No, your left brake lights faulty. Aren't you a little old to not notice a thing like this?

Phineas: Yes, yes I am

...

Officer: OK then, can I see your license please?

Phineas: It's in my wallet and I left that at the bloody gym, that's typical isn't it?

Officer: What brings you to town sir?

Phineas: Well we're from here, and we decided to try the Golden Mile so it might get a bit messy

Officer: I'll tell you what...I'l let you off with a warning if you promise to fix the light and if you tell me you don't plan on driving

Phineas: Of course officer

Officer: Right, have a good day sir

The officer than walked away leaving everybody else stunned

Isabella: He's not a very good police officer isn't he?

Phineas: Well who cares, welcome home everyone

Phineas slammed on the accelerator and sped down the road once again, they drove to the neighbourhood that they use to live in as kids. They pulled up at the house that Phineas use to live in which his dad had converted into a bed and breakfast, they settled in and were just about to walk out the door when Phineas was stopped by his dad

Dad: Oh Phineas! I figured you should know that mum...

Phineas: Is dead I know dad

Dad: Uh...ok then, will you guys be back for dinner?

Phineas: Well sadly no. Tonight we shall be having a liquid dinner as we venture onto the Golden Mile to try and finish off the accomplishment of a life time, leave a light on for although we may return with a twinkle in our eyes we may in truth be blind...drunk!

...

Dad: OK then son have fun

~End of Chapter 2~


	3. The Famous Cock

Chapter 3: The Famous Cock

Phineas and his friends headed out the door and began to walk to the Tri State Area, everyone except for Phineas looked around and noticed a big difference in the town. As they got closer to the city they passed a brochure display, Baljeet pulled out the brochure that had all the local pubs locations on it. Baljeet offered to Phineas to take it but he was already prepared, Phineas then pulled out the original brochure that they used for when they first did the pub crawl. The 5 of them continued to walk into town but not before they noticed Phineas was missing, while checking they saw Phineas running in their direction which they knew meant he just ding dong ditched someone which was what he did often when they were teenagers. Everyone started running with Phineas far ahead, they eventually caught up with him as he was standing in front of their first pub of the journey…"The First Post".

Ferb: Fucking hell Phineas, you could have slowed down

Phineas: But we were making such good time

Phineas waited until everyone had caught their breath before he continued

Phineas: Now back in 2009 this was one of the Tri State Area's many post offices, but after a sudden growth in post office buildings it was then changed into a pub where a young traveller might get swatted! Come on!

Phineas rushed insider with everybody else in not much of a hurry to get in, when they all got to the main area Phineas seemed to be the only one who was excited

Phineas: Ah it's like déjà vu

Everybody looked around and saw that the pub did look like most of the sort of "coffee shops" they had been to a lot

Isabella: Does anybody else remember the pub looking like this?

Baljeet: Well for all we know it probably looked like this back in the day, but it does look a bit more advanced then it probably did before

Ferb: They Starbucked it

Isabella: Starbucked it?

Ferb: Oh well in New York one of the most popular coffee franchises is Starbucks so most likely this pub has tried to have that sort of environment

Phineas: Well it doesn't matter, they couldn't get rid of the smell

Isabella: Believe me…I'm sure they tried

Phineas walked up to the serving area with confidence as he thought that everybody would recognise him

Phineas: Good evening sir

Barman: What?

Phineas: Don't you know? The lost ones have returned

Barman: Who?

Phineas: All I'll say it close up your guest list tonight, we are doing the Golden Mile and you have the honour of drawing first bloog. What would you recommend?

Barman: There's only one, it's Crown and Glory

Phineas: Rather fitting

Barman: Why?

Phineas: Well I have a bit of royalty in this town

Barman: Do you?

Phineas: So what's the drink like?

Barman: What do you mean?

Phineas: I mean is it foamy, is it sweet, is it nutty, does it have a taste that lingers on the tongue?

Barman: Well it's…beer

Phineas: Well we shall have 5 of those please

Isabella: Actually can it be 4 of those and 1 tap water please?

Phineas: Wait WHAT?!

The barman poured the 4 glasses of beer and the 1 glass of tap water, all 5 of them grabbed their drinks and headed to a table. When they sat down Isabella took a sip of her water, when she put the glass down Phineas was just staring at her in an annoyed way.

Phineas: I can't believe this, a woman of your grace and skill drinking…fucking rain! It's like seeing a Lion and a Gazelle going out to eat spaghetti

Ferb: That doesn't make sense Phineas

Phineas: No it doesn't, it really doesn't

Isabella: So I'm less of a woman because I choose to drink water?

Phineas: Well it's a bit too innocent isn't it?

Baljeet: That's not very nice Phineas

Phineas: God Baljeet, get out of the early 21st Century

Isabella: I don't know if you noticed Phineas but we are not teenagers anymore, and god forbid you ever have children some day

Phineas: Hey I'd be a great dad, my kids could learn some of the best things ever from me

Isabella: Like what?

Phineas: Well…they could…well that doesn't matter at the moment

Isabella: Of course it doesn't

Everybody had a drink while Phineas skulled the last of hid

Phineas: Right drink up, let's Perry!

Ferb: What's let's Perry?

Phineas: You remember let's Perry don't you? OK so you know how Perry use to disappear all the time when we were kids

Buford: And you would always ask where Perry is

Phineas: That's it, well after a while because it happened so often we turned into a phrase. So whenever we needed to disappear from somewhere we would say "let's Perry"

Buford: You do seem to have a selective memory Phineas

Phineas: Thanks, now let's go!

Phineas ran out the door while everybody just left without finishing their drinks, they continued to try and keep up with Phineas as he made his way to the second pub. After a few minutes of walking they finally made it to "The Old Familiar" with Phineas being the most excited out of all of them.

Phineas: Oh yes! Prepare yourselves for this is about to bring back some memories

Phineas ran inside with everyone following in a not as excited way, they made their way in with Phineas ahead of them like last time

Phineas: Now this is more like it!

Everyone looked around and saw that it was exactly the same as the first pub

Buford: Like déjà vu?

Baljeet: So I'm not the only one who finds it strange how this pub looks just like the first one?

Ferb: Well it proves my point, every pub is Starbuking it

Phineas walked up to the counter once again with more confidence than before

Phineas: Great news my good man, Phineas Flynn is back in town!

Barman #2: Who's he?

Phineas was about to explain but was stopped by Isabella, they ordered their drinks and took them to the lounge area. Phineas had just finished his drink which was when everybody decided to ask him some questions

Buford: How was the funeral Phineas?

Phineas: What funeral?

Isabella: Your mum's funeral

Phineas: It's difficult to put into words but if I had to choose 3 it would be…really…really sad, now wait that's 2 isn't it? How about really…very sad

Baljeet: it's such a shame

Ferb: How come I wasn't invited to the funeral, don't you think I should have been invited?

Phineas: Dad was going to invite you but he knew how busy you were

Ferb: I see

Isabella: I really did like your mum

Phineas: Me too mate, me too

Phineas sat back in his chair, Buford looked over him and saw a figure walking towards the pub

Buford: Hello

Phineas: Hello mate

Buford: No not you, look who's walking towards the pub

Baljeet: Who is it?

Buford: It's Vanessa

Phineas and Ferb: Isabella's here?!

Phineas: Whoa step back Ferb. I saw her first

Ferb: Are you joking? I saw her first, wow you really do have a selective memory don't you?

Phineas: I don't have a selective memory

Isabella: You said that you do

Phineas: No I would have remembered, so Buford from what you saw is Vanessa still hot?

Isabella: Phineas!

Phineas: Alright easy, is she though?

At this point Vanessa was walking past and overheard their conversation, she walked over to all of them to see what was going on

Vanessa: Am I what?

Phineas: Hot

Everybody except for Phineas got up to talk to Vanessa

Ferb: Hi Vanessa

Vanessa: Ferb wow, you've grown and you seem to be more of a talker now

Ferb: It would appear so

Baljeet: Hi Vanessa

Vanessa: Baljeet, wow you've changed a lot

Baljeet: I suppose I have

Vanessa: Hi Isabella

Isabella: Hey Vanessa

Vanessa: Are you alright Buford?

Buford: I'm fine thanks

Vanessa looked down at Phineas who was waiting for his hello

Vanessa: Phineas

Phineas: Hello my beautiful, you look ravishing as always

Vanessa: Thanks I guess

Ferb: Vanessa would you like a drink?

Phineas: Ferb she just got here, take it easy. Vanessa would you like a drink?

Vanessa: I'll have a vodka tonic please Ferb

Ferb: No problem

Vanessa: I just need to go to the toilet

Ferb: Sure. I'll go and get the drink

Vanessa began to make her way to the toilet, Phineas slightly laughed and got up out of the couch he was sitting in

Phineas: Well, nature calls

Phineas began to follow Vanessa to the bathroom, she had just entered the ladies bathroom when Phineas stopped her

Vanessa: What are you doing?

Phineas: What are you doing?

Vanessa: I'm going to the toilet

Phineas: Well then so am I

Vanessa: Really Phineas? I haven't seen you in years and you honestly think I'm going to have sex with you in the ladies toilet?

Phineas: But you gave me the sign

Vanessa: What sign?

Phineas: You went to the toilet

Vanessa: And you just expect we'll have sex in here?

Phineas: Well the disabled's is out of order

Vanessa: Phineas what happened?

Phineas: I don't know maybe somebody shoved too much toilet paper down the toilet, nobody ever really knows these things

Vanessa: No I mean what happened to you?

Phineas: Nothing. I'm the same Phineas Flynn

Vanessa: No shit

Phineas: So, do you want to?

Vanessa immediately slapped Phineas for what he said, Phineas knew this meant he had to leave. A few minutes later Phineas was sitting with everybody else when Vanessa came back to where everybody else was

Vanessa: Well I should go

Buford: Really? You only just got here

Vanessa: Well I need to meet Candace and Stacy, by the way Phineas I think this is yours

Vanessa threw the "Out of Order" sign that was on the disabled toilets, she walked out with everybody else confused

Phineas: Out of Order, it's a private joke

Ferb: I don't want to know

Ferb looked out the window and saw Vanessa walking off, he stared at her as she walked knowing fully that he was still in love with her…but he knew that the only way he'd end up with her was if they were stuck in some old shack or something. Everybody soon finished their drinks and made their way to "The Famous Cock". While walking they noticed a weird statue in the garden they were passing, it had spikes for hands and a weird sort of helmet on its head

Baljeet: What is that statue over there?

Ferb: Oh that's some statue I made for the town, it's meant to be modern art

Isabella: You said it was a memorial didn't you?

Buford: yeah…to modern art

Isabella: And he's back

Phineas (who was once again ahead of them) turned around to them with excitement

Phineas: Guys! Do you know what time it is?

Isabella checked her watch

Isabella: Christ it's not even 6 yet

Phineas: Nope. It's time we got to…the cock!

Phineas pointed in the direction of "The Famous Cock" and began to run, this time because he wasn't watching where he was going he tripped over a bush. They all helped him up and made their way to the bar, when they walked inside they noticed this time that the bar looked way different to the first two they were in. Phineas told the barman what they wanted and they all waited for their drinks, while waiting Phineas spotter a familiar face sitting far across from them

Phineas: Holy shit, look who it is

Everybody looked over to see an old man across from them drinking his drink from a silly straw

Baljeet: Isn't that Doofenshmirtz?

Phineas: It totally is, remember how he use to tell us all about animal secret agents and how he use to make all of these weird "inators" all the time?

Ferb: Oh yeah, "Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.". He was a weird guy

Phineas: He was your best friend wasn't he Baljeet?

Baljeet: He wasn't my best friend. I just found him in his destroyed apartment one day and I felt sorry for him

Phineas: Yeah sure. HEY DOOFENSHMIRTZ!

Doofenshmirtz looked over and saw them, he just ignored them and continued to drink his drink

Isabella: Maybe we're not as famous as you think we are

Barman #3: Phineas Flynn

Phineas: Speak for yourself

Barman #3: You're banned

The barman pointed over to a picture of them when they were 21 on a poster that said "Banned for life". They all stepped outside with Phineas behind them this time

Phineas: Guys where do you think you're going? We still need to have a pint here

Buford: Just have 2 in the next one

Phineas: No we need to have 1 in every pub otherwise the whole thing is fucked

Baljeet: I'd say this was more fucked when we started Phineas

Phineas wasn't sure what to do until he saw a half empty pint glass next to him, as a desperate act he skulled the drink. Meanwhile everybody else was discussing plans

Isabella: I need to get some food at some point

Ferb: I agree, where's the next healthy food place around here

Baljeet: Around here? This is the Tri State Area remember?

Buford: My wife and I tried to g organic once and it could of worked, the only problem is I kind of like eating shit

Phineas: THE NEXT PUB DOES SHIT, COME ON!

Phineas bolted past them and everybody else just continued walking as "The Cross Hands" wasn't very far ahead

~End of Chapter 3~


	4. The Cross Hands

Chapter 4: The Cross Hands

Everybody was sitting around a table in a booth with their drinks and a small bowl of chips for them to share, everyone was remembering the times that they had in "The Cross Hands" and how fun those times were

Isabella: Oh yeah. I remember this place

Buford: This pub is definitely bringing back some memories

Baljeet: Isabella isn't that the pool table that you passed out on at the New Year's Eve party?

Isabella: I think it was…

Phineas was looking over at some teens who looked about 21 at the pool table, he couldn't help but notice how much fun they seemed to be having which reminded him of when he did the pub crawl. After looking at them for a while he went back to the conversation

Isabella: I still think that night was too extreme for me

Phineas: Oh yeah, was that the one where when you woke up we told you that you travelled back to 2014 and you freaked out and punched a clock

Everybody started laughing at what they just heard, Isabella just sat back embarrassed

Isabella: What's even worse was that I was hung over enough to believe you

Ferb: Buford that was also the night you scored with two Fireside girls wasn't it?

Buford: it was, a personal achievement of mind if I do say so myself

Baljeet: Adyson and Katie. Two of the hardest senior Fireside girls to sleep with, and you managed to convince them to go to your house and give them what they had been waiting for

Buford: yep, pretty much one of the greatest achievements of that night

Ferb: I'll say

Baljeet: Speaking of which Buford, look who's sitting over there

Buford looked over excited but could only see the back of people's heads

Buford: Who's over there? I can't see anything past all the heads

Baljeet: Well, sitting 5 booths across from us are Adyson and Katie

Everybody except for Isabella looks over to see if it was too good to be true

Phineas: Shut the fuck up!

Baljeet: I'm not kidding, two booths away from us are two girls. One with brown hair and one with blonde hair, that's Adyson and Katie if I know them anywhere

Isabella: I swear all you guys think about is sex

Phineas: We should go over there and say hi

Phineas was about to get up and walk over but was stopped by Ferb

Ferb: No let's not go over, just leave the past where it is. It's bad enough having to see you like this

Phineas: Don't make it sound like we're ancient but we're not that old. I mean sure Ferb has gotten rid of the haircut he had when we were 10, and Buford ditched the army style haircut. But Baljeet I know for a fact still has that scar we gave him during an experiment when we were younger

Baljeet: Oh you mean the one on my arm from when you made a roller coaster for the second time?

Phineas: Yeah, those were the days

Baljeet: Well it surprises me that you even noticed I got a scar, most people that day didn't even notice

Baljeet shows the top of his hand to everyone revealing a scar that was slightly red

Ferb: When did you get that?

Baljeet: When we were lifted into the air for god knows what reason one of the parts of the roller coaster cut my hand pretty deep

Isabella: Well I for one think it's great to see all…well some of your faces again

Phineas: A bit harsh but cheers

Everyone: Cheers

Everybody took a sip of their drinks when a tough looking man walked over to them

Man: Excuse me, it this seat taken?

Buford looked up and stared at the man in shock with a hint of fear

Man: Is this seat taken?

Phineas: Have it mate

Man: Thanks

The man took the seat and walked back over to the table he was sitting at, Buford just sat there in fear

Isabella: Are you ok Buford?

Buford: Yeah I'm fine

Ferb: Do you know him?

Buford: That's the guy who…almost ate Biff

Phineas: Your old Goldfish? But I thought you beat him up and that's how you became a bully?

Buford: You know if it's ok with you guys I don't want to look back on it if that's ok

Phineas: Buford, looking back at past trauma can also be a good coping mechanism…apparently

Buford: Well seeing as we're older I might as well tell you…I made it all up

Baljeet: Made what up?

Buford: I never beat up that guy when he took Biff, what really happened was I screamed and cried at him not to do it. He got bored and gave me back Biff and a minute later I beat up some poor kid out of anger which made me a bully, today that man still scares me stiff

Isabella: Oh Buford its ok, you know you didn't have to make that kind of thing up just to look impressive

Buford: But I think the worst part about what just happened was…he failed to recognise me…like it all meant nothing, now that just sounds weird doesn't it?

Everyone looked at Buford who was looking sad when suddenly a slamming of a tray was heard with Phineas looking happier than anything

Phineas: SHOTS! S, SHOTS!

Isabella: What are you doing Phineas?

Phineas: I thought it was obvious, shots

Isabella: Buford was clearly talking about something that had a very deep meaning to him and you just come in with shots

Buford: It's alright Isabella

Isabella: No it isn't Buford! Phineas you clearly don't care about other people, all you clearly care about is drinking. You don't need us to get fucked up as you've done a perfectly good job at it yourself and don't forget…I don't fucking drink

Phineas: I haven't fucked up my life, I'm just free and from what I can see you guys are just jealous because I'm free to do what I want any old time

Isabella: Just give up Phineas, we aren't teenagers anymore and don't go saying we need to be here for the anniversary of when we did the pub crawl because we did it in June not October! I think it's time we left

Phineas: You can't leave now, all the buses are finished

Isabella: Then I'm going to find the beast and get out of here

Ferb: I'll go with you

Baljeet and Buford: Same

Isabella: Just look at the obvious Phineas, you need to grow up…it's time to come home

Phineas: I thought we were home

Phineas got up and walked to the bathroom with everybody else just sitting there feeling a bit sorry for Phineas. Phineas meanwhile was just staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, he went over to the urinals but slightly slipped on the pissy ground. Out of anger Phineas was about to punch the wall but saw a punch mark that was already there, he knew that he did that back in 2015 when he first did the pub crawl. Suddenly one of the young kids at the pool table came in to pee, Phineas went back to the urinal

Phineas: Careful the floor's a bit pissy…wasn't me (laughs slightly). But that hole was me…I did that back in 25

The kid said nothing

Phineas: 2025? Punched the shit out of a wall. I don't know why but I must have had a reason. So I'm doing the golden mile if you want to tag along, it would be like the 6 musketeers

The kid finished peeing and went to wash his hands

Phineas: I said we're doing the golden mile!

…

Phineas finished peeing and turned to the kid

Phineas: You think you're so cool don't you but we're better, we own this town and have owned it since two thousand and fucking fourteen

Phineas went up to the kid and pushed him

Phineas: Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Kid: Please don't

Phineas: Don't what?

Kid: You don't want to do that

Phineas: Oh don't I?

Phineas went to push the kid but was stopped by the kids hand, when Phineas tried again his face was grabbed by the kid who straight away threw him into the mirror. Phineas looked into the mirror in shock and went to hit the kid again, this time Phineas grabbed him and threw him to the ground with the kids head hitting one of the urinals. The kids head came flying off and started bleeding blue blood which put Phineas in a state of shock, he looked at the decapitated body as it bled blue blood trying to figure out what he was seeing. Suddenly the bathroom door burst open with Isabella and everybody else following

Isabella: PHINEAS YOU'D BETTER EXPLAIN THIS!

Isabella held up his phone, everybody else then entered looking annoyed but stopped straight away when they saw what was going on

Ferb: Phineas what are you holding?

Buford: Is that thing real?

Phineas: Isabella help me!

Isabella: I JUST SPOKE WITH YOUR MOTHER, AND NOT FROM THE AFTERLIFE BUT FROM YOUR FUCKING HOUSE! YOU'D BETTER EXPLAIN…

The body suddenly then started moving and making a buzzing noise which shocked everyone including Isabella, a few seconds later the other boys from the pool table walked in looking serious as the decapitated body stood up. They all stood across from each other when suddenly the other kids stuck out their hands and charged at them, every single one of them had someone to fight with Phineas and his friends doing poorly not sure what to do. Baljeet in a panic decided to quickly crawl into one of the stalls and locked himself in to make sure he wasn't attacked, meanwhile Buford who usually was good in a fight was losing badly to the kid he was fighting. Isabella had managed to push the kid she was fighting into one of the sinks cutting the kid in half who like most of the others leaked blue blood, Ferb with much struggle was able to rip the arms off of who he was fighting and had hit him twice making sure he wouldn't stand up, after thinking he had one Ferb was attacked by another one. Phineas was still being attacked by the kid with no head and was losing until Isabella grabbed the body and threw it down to the ground hard causing it to break, with only two of them left Buford decided he had enough and slammed one of them into a cubical and shoved the final one into the ground elbowing it in the face causing it to power down. Everybody just stood there in shock and out of breath, Buford then walked over to Phineas who was just staring at what was lying on the ground in front of them

Buford: WTF Phineas, WTF?

Phineas: Oh what the fuck does WTF mean?

Baljeet then stumbled out of the cubical he was hiding in

Baljeet: What the fuck?!

Phineas: Oh ok

Isabella then began to walk out the door but was stopped by Phineas

Phineas: Isabella where are you going?

Isabella: I'm going to get the police

Phineas: Don't do that

Isabella: Why not?

Phineas: We don't know how far this goes, for all we know it could be the entire city. Holy shit! This explains everything! Like why Doofenshmirtz didn't recognise us or why none of the barmen recognized us

Buford: That bully that was near us earlier

Phineas: Exactly! It's not us that's changed, it's the town! Everybody has been replaced by one of these, and that's why everything's gone fuck up! I'm right Isabella aren't I?

Isabella: You're never wrong

Baljeet: What do we do now?

Phineas: let's…let's go out there, act natural, and finish our drinks

Everybody agreed and headed outside with Phineas putting the "Out of Order" sign from earlier on the door so nobody would suspect anything, they went to the table and began to finish the drinks

Phineas: Let's neck these and get the fuck out of here

Buford: To L.A?

Phineas: To "The Trusty Servant"

Ferb: Yeah…what?

Phineas: Sorry it's "The Good Companion" that's next. I always get those two mixed up

Ferb: Don't you think we should get in the beat and head back to L.A?

Phineas: No because 1. We're all drunk, 2. We have blood on our hands

Baljeet: It's more like ink

Phineas: We have ink on our hands and that's going to look suspicious

Ferb: Well what about Isabella, she hasn't had a drink all night

They all look at Isabella who had just finished the shots from earlier

Isabella: What?

Phineas: Look the way I see it everybody here knows that we're doing the golden mile

Buford: You told them

Phineas: So I think we should just do the crawl and leave in the morning, if we leave now everybody is going to know that we know

Ferb: Know what?

Phineas: That we know

Baljeet: So you're seriously suggesting…

Isabella: We finish the golden mile, it's pointless arguing with him. Now drink up and let's Perry!

Everybody finished their drinks and then walked out of "The Cross Hands" to "The Good Companion".

~End of Chapter 4~


	5. The Good Companion - The Trusty Servant

Chapter 5: The Good Companion – The Trusty Servant

Everybody knew they wouldn't be able to get through the night if they showed that they knew what was going on, so while they were walking to "The Good Companion" they tried to look as normal as possible. This tactic was done by standing next to each other, walking at the same pace, and smiling at everybody who looked at them, they knew this would make them look odd but it was a plan at least. Phineas stood in the middle while Baljeet and Buford stood on one side and Isabella and Ferb stood on the other side, they walked for a while and kept getting weird looks from nearly everyone who walked past them. They finally made it to the pub after a while and all went in, but before Isabella want in she noticed how everybody was just standing still and not moving, they were just watching them go in as if they knew that something was up. Isabella just ignored this and went inside the pub. Phineas was the first to go up to the bar and pay for the drinks when everybody else walked in and stood next to him, everybody except Phineas at this point noticed that everybody was watching them and were drinking their drinks while doing so. When the 5 of them got their drinks they quickly skulled them and left the bar very quickly but not while stumbling to get out the door, they all got outside and began to talk about the situation they were in

Buford: I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable drinking this much

Phineas: No it's like those British soldiers we read about in school, like how they use to drink before battle so they would have super strength

Baljeet: Wasn't that the Dutch courage thing where they drank beer before battle?

Phineas: Exactly! Remember, we are just five friends, on a night out, having a good time!

They soon made it to "The Trusty Servant" still trying to act as natural as possible, as they went inside everybody who was around stopped to look at them still wondering what they knew. Phineas ordered the drinks for everybody and got a table, once they had their drinks they skulled them down like they did with the last drinks. Once Baljeet had finished his drink he stood up

Baljeet: I need the toilet

Phineas: Go on then, you earned it

Baljeet: Huh?

Phineas: You're doing really well Baljeet, I'm proud of you

Baljeet nodded and proceeded to go to the bathroom

Phineas: He didn't make it this far before, he was vomiting his brains out at this point

Isabella: You're really enjoying this aren't you?

Phineas: What are you talking about? We're having a great time

Isabella: We're pretending to have a great time

Phineas: Are you pretending?

Isabella grabs him by the shirt collar

Isabella: If we get out of here alive I'm going to kill you

Phineas: All right, easy

Isabella let's go of his shirt collar and finishes her drink now making her feel a bit fuzzy

Phineas: Maybe we can ask someone what's going on

Ferb: Who the hell can you ask?

Phineas looks around to see if there is anybody they can ask, after a few seconds of looking he sees a familiar face over at the bar

Phineas: The Reverend Green

Phineas points over to Rodger Doofenshmirtz who to Phineas is known as the Reverend Green

Isabella: Rodger Doofenshmirtz?

Phineas: Yeah. I mean for all we know he knows more about this

Phineas gets out of his chair and prepares to go over to him, Isabella grabs him just as he is about to

Isabella: What are you doing?

Phineas: I'm going to go talk to him

Phineas turns away once again but is stopped by Isabella

Isabella: Are you going to buy drugs?

Phineas: I'm just going to ask him about what is going on with these robots and to see if he has any more information…and possibly I'll buy some drugs

Buford: How do you know he's not one of them?

Phineas: The Reverend and I had a very specific way of talking when it came to purchasing drugs, if he doesn't understand me then I will simply walk away

Phineas gets up but trips over due to not looking where he was going. He gets over to Rodger and knocks on the table 5 times before turning to him

Phineas: Have you got any drugs?

Rodger: I don't do that anymore Phineas

Phineas: You've moved on then have you?

Rodger: Everyone has to move on at some point and I'm glad I did, I have a proper job in a proper office

Phineas: You had a proper office

Rodger: Don't remind me of my past mayor duties, I've put those days behind me

Phineas: No I mean your other proper office

Rodger: That was the gent's toilets

Phineas: Well, there's no problem with doing your business in the toilet

Rodger: For your information Phineas things have changed around here, it's not the same Tri State Area like when you were 10

Phineas: I know

Rodger: What do you know?

Phineas: That the towns been taken over by robots filled with blue stuff…

Rodger: Shhhhhhhhhhhh, don't talk so loud about it. Do you even know what robot means?

Phineas: Yeah, it's like (in robotic voice) hello, I am a robot

Rodger: It means slave, and believe me they're not slaves

Phineas: Are you a robot?

Rodger: No I'm very happy

Phineas: You don't seem very happy

Rodger: Well believe me I am

Isabella is then seen next to Phineas after walking over to him in a slightly drunk manner

Isabella: Hey, what's going on?

Phineas: The whole town's been taken over by robots full of blue stuff, and Rodger is their prisoner

Rodger: I'm not their prisoner

Ferb then walks over wanting to know what is going on

Ferb: You know Rodger we have a car, we can get you out of here

Rodger: I don't need to get out of here

Suddenly a man sitting across from them slams his hand down on the counter, he turns around with his friend who is sitting next to him. It's revealed that the two men are Irving who use to hang out with Phineas and Ferb, and Carl the Intern who worked for the OWACA before he quit

Irving: Put a sock in it Rodger

Carl: Yeah put a cork in it Rodger, you don't want to give too much away

Ferb: Irving? Is that you?

Irving: Yes hello Ferb

Phineas: We haven't seen you in ages, you use to be our biggest fan. What happened?

Irving: Shut up!

Phineas stops talking in shock by what Irving has just said

Ferb: Are you two robots?

Carl: Well the word robot is a derogatory term from the word slave

Irving: And we're not slaves

Carl: We're very very happy

Irving: And not robots

Buford then comes staggering over wanting some information as well

Buford: Oh my god, are these guys robots?

Ferb: Buford you aren't helping

A phone suddenly rings in the bar which grabs everyone's attention, they look to see an old phone on a chord ringing. The owner of the bar goes up and answers the phone, after talking with the person on the other line for about 10 seconds the owner puts the phone on his shoulder

Owner: Rodger…

Rodger then starts to get worried as he starts to think he knows who's on the other line

Owner: It's your supervisor

Rodger is handed the phone, everyone else looks at Rodger with worry

Rodger: Hello sir

Supervisor (on phone): Rodger you are needed now

Rodger: But…

Supervisor (on phone): Now

Rodger: I understand

The phone hangs up and only the dial tone can be heard, Rodger hands the manager the phone back with a sad and worried look on his face. He picks up his drink and skulls the entire thing before walking to the bathroom to pee just before he leaves, he turns to the others who are still just staring at him

Rodger: Thanks a bunch

Rodger turns away and walks towards the bathroom, at the same time Baljeet who had just finished up in the bathroom walks out before Rodger goes in. Baljeet goes over to everybody not knowing what has just happened

Baljeet: What did I miss?

Irving: Your friends were trying to help Rodger

Carl: He doesn't need any more help and now thanks to you…

Phineas: Thanks to us? We haven't really done anything wrong. What do you want us to do?

Carl: If I can suggest anything I'll suggest this. I suggest you get on your way, get in your car and drive to the hills because you're not safe here…things have changed

Carl and Irving walk out of the bar, everyone else just stand there confused

Buford: So are we leaving?

Phineas: Yeah, we need to get to the Two Headed Dog

Baljeet: OK then, let's go

They all walk out with everyone watching them as they leave, the next bar wasn't very far from the Trusty Servant so it wasn't much of a walk

Isabella: Phineas I really think now we should get out of here, Irving just said it's not safe

Phineas: Who gives a fuck, we need to finish this crawl otherwise we'll get caught

Phineas then runs towards the next bar with Baljeet running behind him due to the sudden boost in confidence, everyone else was feeling this except for Isabella who just before they entered the next bar noticed everyone around them was staring at them once again. Isabella didn't know why they did this but she was very worried

Isabella: Phineas wait…

~End of Chapter 5~


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